Monthly Archives: March 2012

Round of Ap-blahs

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…to The Scooter Store. (No, really.)

I saw their TV ad and liked their mission statement: “Making you mobile.” I thought it was one of the clearest and most concise mission statements I’d heard. (Much better than the typical “Providing the best quality products and services to satisfy our customers” blah blah.)

So, I checked out their website and found even more simple, straightforward writing:

The Scooter Store offers a complete line of high-quality power chairs, scooters, and mobility accessories. We have several scooter and motorized chair models available. With a full range of features, The Scooter Store’s scooters and power chairs, like the motorized wheelchair….

They used words their audience recognizes, like “power chair,” “motorized chair” and “motorized wheelchair.”

What? No “mobility solutions”?

 

 

Clarity Killers

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At first glance, I couldn’t wait to blog about this report on Managing Clarity in Corporate Communication. Any report called “Complex to Clear” with 68 pages and 20-some figures and tables was just asking for an Irony of the Year Award.

But then I read the first few pages. And I realized that in spite of the word “obfuscating” on page 7, there’s some really good info in here about Corporate Blah Blah and how to prevent it.

So, for all who wish they had more time to read, allow me to review this report for you…and share just the best parts, one blog at a time.

Best Part #1: Clarity Killers

Authors Martin Eppler and Nicole Bischof summarized all the “bad communication practices that reduce clarity.” Who knew there were so many?!

On my own, I could think of only a few:

  • Using vague, businessy sounding words (e.g., “actionable,” “gain traction,” “bandwidth”) that most people only pretend they understand
  • Using industry jargon (for an audience of “outsiders”)
  • Being wordy

But here are more Clarity Killers, courtesy of Eppler and Bischof:

  • “Communicating strategy in the same format through which it was developed”— So true! Your balanced scorecard or strategy map or placemat or whatever-you-call-it is probably not as good as an anecdote or metaphor or infographic when it comes to educating the masses about company strategy.
  • “Keeping your corporate values and aspirations as abstract and generic as possible”— Yes! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen mission statements like “Providing the best products and services to satisfy our customers and position us as the top company in our market.” Now that’ll set you apart. That’s almost as good as “We want to be successful.”

For the whole list of Clarity Killers, see page 12 in the report.

Coming soon:
Best Part #2: Why we make communications so complex

 

Doozy of the Week — Bonus!

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I know, I know. I just posted a doozy a few days ago. But this one, from a company press release, was too good to let sit until next week.

The new brand is a result of our collaborative work with stakeholders, members and customers. We listened to their feedback about a desire to work with a more modern and global organization, while still maintaining our rich history and an emphasis on sustainability,” said Ash Sahi, President & CEO, CSA Group. “The singular, more streamlined brand identity will help as the organization extends its global service offerings and solutions to our customers and members while building on our specialized technical expertise, reputation, trustworthiness and rich heritage.

And together we all say, “Huh?”

Translation: “Everyone said our logo was stodgy, so we changed it.”

Credit goes to Clare Lynch for sharing this doozy here: Good Copy, Bad Copy » Blog Archive » Three quick tips for writing a totally pointless press release.

“Pompous and Vague”

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That’s how Dr. Donnelly, my former communications professor, described typical business writing. And that’s what he spent years training me and other communications majors to avoid.

I thought of him this morning when I read:

Avoid vague and imprecise terms such as “large spending power” or “heavy start-up costs,” advises Dr. Andrus, of the Haskayne School. “‘A lot’ will not tell a decision-maker anything,” she says. “In business, we need to know the size of the market, market share percentages and specific profit margins.”

via Can business students write? – The Globe and Mail.

Doozy of the Week

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This week’s doozy comes from a technology company that probably does great work — we just don’t know what.

Because each of our clients face different challenges and have differing and evolving data center and IT needs, we offer a comprehensive suite of end-to-end data center solutions and services, globally. With certified partnerships with all the leading IT vendors, we are among the world’s largest independent, multi-vendor enterprise data center solutions providers.

What those “data center solutions” might be, we can’t tell you. Suffice it to say they’re “end-to-end” and come in a “comprehensive suite.”

But, it may be helpful to know:

[TuffTech*] is unique in its adoption of a deeply-rooted vendor-agnostic approach to helping clients accelerate their growth and achieve breakthrough business outcomes.

Wow.

In all fairness, I did look up “vendor-agnostic,” and it seems that even eWeek.com uses the term. But wouldn’t it be better to just say they can work with products from any brand or manufacturer?

*Name changed to protect the innocent

Round of Ap-blahs

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…to Fred’s Appliance, who fixed my washing machine a few weeks ago and left me a superbly written receipt, of all things!

The receipt headline:

Everything’s back to normal…Your job is complete!

Now wouldn’t that make anyone feel better?

Never before have homeowners felt so much relief after handing over the Visa card. Even with a stunningly high cost of parts and labor, “Everything’s back to normal.” Ahhh.

The receipt goes on to say:

We love email! Our technician will gladly email you a copy of your receipt. If you don’t have email, here’s a mini written receipt for you.

Isn’t that nice? And I love email, too. They’re just like me! The people at Fred’s Appliance must be my best friends. And who better to call next time I need service!

Dude, You’re Getting a Dell!

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Years ago, a favorite client hired me to write a newsletter article about an exciting technology upgrade in her company. Long-suffering field reps were getting zippy new Dell laptops to replace their lumbering (and moody) old PCs.

You didn’t need a computer science degree to get the point of the story:
1. You’re getting a new laptop.
2. Everything will be faster and easier.

About that time, Dell was running its hugely successful “Dude, You’re Getting a Dell!” TV commercials. I couldn’t resist the reference. The catchphrase was perfect. And my client was just edgy enough to like it.

I made “Dude, You’re Getting a Dell!” the big ol’ headline and couldn’t wait to see how many reads the story would get.

But the IT folks weren’t amused. During reviews, they rewrote the headline to sound more strategic and, well, business appropriate.

“Leveraging Technology to Improve Efficiency”

That was the header they ran. And in five words, a big “woo-hoo!” got reduced to “wah wah wah wah” from Charlie Brown’s teacher.

Now, I know if it were up to most corporate communicators, Corporate Blah Blah would never get published. We all know it’s bad. Round after round of reviews, endless tweaks from higher-ups, pressing deadlines and the need to just get the job off the desk sometimes make us publish stuff we wouldn’t put in our portfolios.

And, really, that’s okay. Pick your battles.

But it doesn’t mean we should wave the white flag and just write for faster and easier approvals.

As liaisons (and translators) between the top and the trenches, corporate communicators should make messages easy for everyone to understand — particularly those in the trenches, who are most often on the receiving end.

May this Corporate Blah Blah Blog encourage all corporate communicators to continue the crusade for clean, clear and concise communication.

Remember:

  • Write for your readers not your reviewers.
  • Don’t stop writing what you know is good — whether or not someone changes it later.
  • Even tiny victories are worth it. Get them to say “use” instead of “utilize”? I’ll take it…and keep believing that every now and then, headlines like “Dude, You’re Getting a Dell” really will make it to the final proof.

Have a success story? What about a dose of Corporate Blah Blah that you can’t believe got published? Send it to me. I’d love to share your examples on the Corporate Blah Blah Blog.